Can't Get Pregnant
by Sagi-chan
Summary: That’s not the problem here. The problem is – none of you are actually allowed to have children... you’re now gay. [Warning: Yaoi - stupidity - randomness - OOC] [Gift Fic for Adria]


**Disclaimer****: **_YYH and all its worlds, characters and other things... belongs not to me. DON'T TORMENT ME! I'M JUST BORRING THEM! BORROWING THEM I SAY!_

**An** _A humorous YYH fic; written just for laughs. And because it's 12:45 in the morning and I can't sleep. Well, I probably could if I tried, but this is more fun. ^__^ And besides, it's Adria's birthday and now that I think of it, one gift isn't good enough. **HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADRIA!**_****

**Title:** _Can't Get Pregnant_   
**Summary:** _That's not the problem here. The problem is – none of you are actually allowed to have children... you're now gay._   
**Genre:** _Humor/Randomness   
_**Dedication:** _Adria's birthday fic._

===

"Team, I called you here to discuss something very important with you." Koenma, Prince of the Dead; Owner of Team Urameshi; Loved by All; Creepy Busybody; and Complete Screw-Up, said with an air of importance floating around his childlike body.

"Phew!" Yusuke whistled, waving one hand around to dispel the faintly brown colored air. "Man Koenma, couldn't that have waited until after we left?"

The toddler glared.

Kurama, Hiei and Kuwabara, the other three members of Team Urameshi snickered behind their hands. Well, Kurama snickered behind his hand. Kuwabara laughed outright, and Hiei smacked in the face – wondering why his punishment for such a little crime like stealing – eh, _borrowing_ – the Ancient Artifacts of Darkness and breaking them was so cruel. Wasn't cruel and unusual torture outlawed?

Oh wait, that was only in America.

Damn.

"Anyway," Koenma continued, motioning towards his slave, erm, _worker_, George to slap some duct-tape over Yusuke's mouth. "It has come to my attention that-"

"I'm free?" Hiei asked hopefully, his red eyes shining. "I don't have to be here anymore?"

"...No. You're pretty much stuck here for life, Mister: **_Let's steal the three most important artifacts and break them in the span of a week!"_**

_"Borrowed!"_ Hiei shouted, stamping one foot. "We borrowed them without asking and with no intent to return! _THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!!"_

Koenma shot the little demon a skeptical look.

Silence.

"You found a way to legally kill off fan girls!" Kurama cried suddenly, rushing forward and taking hold of Koenma's tiny hands. "Oh, thank you! _Thank you!"_ The Kitsune went to rush out the door and probably enjoy the sudden legalization, but George intercepted him and forced him back into the room.

Kurama pouted.

"You've finally realized that I'm the best for team leader!" Kuwabara cried, thrusting one fist into the air. "I knew it! Oh how I have longed for this day..." A tear slipped from his eye.

He was abruptly introduced to both Yusuke's fist and the cold floor about two seconds later. "The pain... Hey, the floor smells like lemons! COOL!" He began muttering to himself about "Mr. Clean."

"George?" Koenma asked, signaling once again to the blue oni. Said slave, erm, _worker_ blinked, unsure as to what he was supposed do. All he was told to do previously was to wax the floor, block the door and bring duck-tape.

Oh right... he was supposed to leave now.

George ran.

Hiei watched him exit the office with an air of sadness. "He's so much fun to torture... I'll miss that blue thing."

Koenma screamed, the sudden high-pitched shriek echoing off the walls and slamming back into the originator of the sound. He sounded like a girl.

The three demons present – Yusuke, Hiei and Kurama – immediately slapped their hands over their ears at the sound.

"Please return your voice to a normal human decibel!" Yusuke tried to shout. Unfortunately, his mouth was still covered by duct-tape so it came out more like: _"PMM MMNM MM NMM M M NNMN MMNM MMNMMNM!"_

Kuwabara continued smelling the lemony floor, quite content.

"We found a problem with your current sexual levels!" Koenma finally screamed, though the decibel level of his voice had gone down slightly.

"..."

The Godling pointed at Kurama. "You have sex too much!"

The Kitsune smiled widely as though proud of himself.

He pointed at Yusuke. "...You... are okay in this area."

The Toushin frowned.

He pointed at Kuwabara. "You need to get laid!"

The human boy blushed an unbecoming shade of red.

He pointed at Hiei. "You need to figure out what sex is!"

Hiei looked confused.

The three other Spirit Detectives sweatdropped, staring at their small Fire Demon friend.

Yusuke ripped the tape off his mouth and turned to his red haired friend with a renewed smile. "You sly fox you!" He laughed.

Hiei still looked confused.

"Yes, yes." Koenma muttered. "Kurama gets laid a lot. That's not the problem here. The problem is – none of you are actually allowed to have children."

"…"

"Well, not anymore." Koenma added, holding up what looked like their personal life files. "I just signed the forms; all four of you are now officially gay."

Kurama blinked; obviously this wasn't too much of a shocker.

Yusuke shrugged. Hey, he had been Bi before, it's not like it made a difference.

Kuwabara fell down to his knees, screaming out his agony. _"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I LOVE YUKINNNNNNAAAAAAAAAA!"_

Hiei still looked confused. "Kurama!" The little demon whispered, tugging on the hem of his friend's shirt. "Where do babies come from, again?"

"I'll tell you later, Hiei."

"And... what's 'gay' mean?"

"Later, Hiei."

"You'll tell him now!" Koenma cackled randomly. "In fact – show him! Show him now!" And with that, the Demigod pushed a little button on his desk and the floor underneath the two demons suddenly fell away.

"WHEE!" Kurama screamed as he fell.

Hiei remained silent, pondering over the science of baby making.

"Don't get pregnant!" Koenma screamed down the hole now in the middle of his office. "That's against the rules!"

Satisfied that they would listen to him, Koenma turned back to the two remaining Tentai. "And as for you two..." he said, mostly to himself.

"Yusuke – I've brought in a friend for you to be flamboyantly gay with! You're seme and don't you forget it!"

"It's not Tuguro is it?" Yusuke asked worriedly.

"That guy who ripples at alarming rates?" Koenma asked, looking confused. "No, he's way too disgusing. Even for you. Kurama wouldn't even do him."

Yeah, like that was saying a lot.

The door to the office suddenly opened and in pranced a very hyper Wind Master.

"Jin!" Yusuke cried in surprise. "That outfit is simply horrid of you! Red totally clashes with your hair! You should wear blue. You're much more of a _summer_! Winter colors just don't suit your complexion!"

"But that shade of green is stunning on you!" Jin complimented. "Oh! Look at your nails! Come, you must let me do them for you!" The two boys quickly left the office, content to be flamboyantly gay together.

"And as for you..." Koenma said, turning to Kuwabara.

The human boy eeped.

"Since I could find no stereotypical gay personality for you – I've decided to make you sterile! MWAHAHA!"

"NOOOOOO!"

"MWAHAHA!"

"NOOOOOO!"

"MWAHAHA!"

"Eh… what does sterile mean?" Kuwabara asked.

"Can't create children. Sex – if you ever succeed in losing your virginity – will be pointless."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

===

A few days later

===

Jin and Yusuke reappeared, clad in the best fashions they could find, and still chatting about how to do their hair.

"No really!" Jin was saying as he held open the door to Koenma's office for Yusuke. "If you tried using the generic brand with a little water, it works just as well!"

"Fascinating!"

The two suddenly stared at Kuwabara and Koenma, who were collapsed on the ground.

"Mwa...ha...ha..." Koenma wheezed.

"Nuhh." Kuwabara moaned.

"Mwa – ugh."

"Nuhh."

"cough-cough-hack-hack."

Silence.

"So that's what gay means!" Hiei's voice could be heard, just behind the door that Jin and Yusuke had come through. "But I still don't understand – where did these babies come from?"

"Mama!"

"Mama!"

"Mama!"

"Moo!"

"SPONGEMONKEY!"

"And why does little Tatsui keep screaming Spongemonkey?" Hiei could be heard asking over the cries of "Mama!" "Moo!" And "Spongemonkey!"

"They're so Kawaii!" Kurama was cooing. "Hiei, I didn't know that you could reproduce even though you're male! Why didn't you ever tell me?"

It was lucky that Koenma had just passed out moments before.

Very lucky.

...

Yeah, the fic is over now.

**AN** _I started writing this at 12:47AM and took one bathroom break. It finished writing it at 1:57AM. Not too bad. ^__^ Reviews?_

**_._**


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